Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Hilarious library question of the day:

Manifesto: "Do you get danger pay for working in a library with wifi?"
Me: "...No."
Manifesto: "Oh. You should."

Saturday, September 1, 2012

On new students.

You are in university now. Do you really need your mom to come with you to get your student ID card? And on top of that, you really couldn't look up where to go & how to do it on your own - mom had to do that too? How old are you, 4?

Friday, May 18, 2012

Don't drink and dial?

One of my friends posted this on her Facebook last week and I thought I'd share.
M: "Good morning, Library. M Speaking."
Patron: (Heavy breathing, slurring) "Do you have a book on aboriginal medicine and modern medicine? All that in one book?"
M: "Well, the University of M has a lot of books, so I don't know off the top of my head, but I can certainly check for you!"
Patron: "And to use the book, you need to be a student?"
M: "You need to be affiliated with the University of M in some way, yes. Staff at (hospital) have access though! Can I get your phone number?"
Patron: "I do have a card... with special instructions, just for me... I have a staff number."
M: "Can I have the card number? The 14 digit, right on the front. If I look for this book, I'll need to contact you."
Patron: "I'll call next week."
M: "What is your name, sir?"
Patron: "God." *Click*

Sunday, May 6, 2012

And on today's episode of "manning the circulation desk"....

psych health patient: What's the date today? April 14th?
me: 13th.
psych health patient: Oh, when's the world supposed to end?
me: Not til december.
psych health patient: Good, I've still got some time then.
me: Yep.

And in other news, according to Manifesto, one of our chairs "smells like someone had diarrhea in it."

Friday, April 13, 2012

Got any books?

From Mr. TGS in Canada:

Child: "Are there any books here?"
Me: "I don't know... I think there are..."
Child: "Any GOOD books?"
Me: "Oh no, we don't keep those here."

^ Moments like those make me love my job.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Question of the day:

Patron: "Where are those cubicle things?"
Me: *blank stare*
Patron: "Like, where people study."

I'm not sure who is made of more jello than brains today, me or him?!

Saturday, April 7, 2012

I really get a kick out of my blog stats sometimes...

Just checking my stats today and saw that someone found this blog by searching for "farting library patrons".

Well my friend, looks like you have come to the right place! Hahaha!

Someone also found this blog by searching for "of what help is library science to religion".

So, dear readers, of what help IS library science to religion?!

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Questions from Manifesto:

We have a patron from the psychiatric ward who comes in on a regular basis & is always spending hours typing out long documents (hence the nickname Manifesto) & always seems to lose them. Here are some of the questions he has asked over the past few weeks, notice that he seems to have some huge issues with Gmail. He also wears two pairs of pants at a time and for lunch, he'll bring in a plastic bag with six plain buns in it & occasionally a carton of milk. He has a bowl haircut that is about 2 inches above the top of his ear...we like to call it the anti-monk.

"Does Gmail work the same on the weekends as on the weekdays? I saved some emails last night and now they're not there anymore."

"I saved a document to my email, and when I came in the next day to open it, the computer told me I need a Japanese translator to open the file! Do you think my Gmail account has been hacked?"

"I just logged into all of my Gmail accounts at once, I have 3 or 4 of them, and then your computer system logged me out! Do you know what's wrong with the computers?" (Maybe just try logging into one email at a time, sir....)

"I was at another library yesterday, and I hadn't been there in a month, but when I opened up YouTube it already had me logged in!! Do you know why it would do that?" (Surprise surprise, he had logged into Gmail just before that happened.)

"Does the library always have human bones on display?"

"Are these real Mac computers?" (He then proceedes to start moving around the monitor & tower to inspect for signs on authentic "Mac-ness".)

"Do staff...monitor the security of these computers? I left for about three hours & when I came back someone had logged me off the computer and I lost all of my work." (Uh no...the computers will log you off automatically. This was also the THIRD time in a week he had come to the desk with this scenario.)

At one point he had gone past a church with a lot of people outside earlier in the day & asked one of my coworkers what she thought was going on. Her response: "maybe a choir practice!" And then he started to go on some tangent comparing a 9-5 job to religion.

Last night he had also decided that the mouse he had been using for several hours was "too greasy", so he proceeded to take a pile of hand sanitizer & start scrubbing the crap out of it. We do lysol all of our computers on a weekly basis & it got to the point where I actually had to go up to him & tell him to stop before he damaged our equipment.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Paranormal evidence @ the library.

From Lisa in Canada:

During one of my first shifts at my new library job, a friendly older gentleman approached the desk and started making small talk with me while I set him up with an internet pass. He asked me if I believed in ghosts and I said yes. He said "well then I have a treat for you!" He then pulled out his digital camera and proceeded to scroll through the pictures until he found the one he wanted. He zoomed in on something and showed me the camera. It was a photograph of a forest with a strange glowing blue orb. He explained that it was a floating eyeball, and on closer inspection it actually did look like one! At this point my coworker at the computer beside me turned her screen to face me and gave me the look. She had opened up a Word document and typed in giant letters, PLEASE STOP TALKING TO THIS MAN!!!! Later on, she told me that he was a regular who likes to us our computers to upload his ghost phenomenon photographs.

Well....I liked him!

Monday, March 5, 2012

Feces @ the library: take two.

From H.K. in Canada:

One day, apparently the public washroom on our second floor was occupied when an older lady desperately needed to use it. So instead of waiting, she decided to defecate in one of the nearby garbage cans. After doing so, she came downstairs to the circulation desk and told us what she had done, and that we should "do something about it." She then left and never came back. (Some of us speculate she was a mental patient at the nearby mental hospital.)
Luckily our janitor arrived shortly after to clean up the mess.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Gettin' your jollies @ the library.

From H.K. in Canada:

One Saturday afternoon several years ago, a male patron came into the library (we are an academic library) asking for access to the internet (we often give out temporary passes to visitors). His only identification was his prison inmate ID card! This was the first red flag.

He went up to the second floor and proceeded to watch poronography at one of the computer terminals. A female student came down to the circulation desk and complained about it. My coworker went upstairs to verify, and he was indeed watching porn and masturbating under the table. We then called security who went upstairs to remove him. When they approached him he said, "Wait til I'm finished."

Security dragged him out anyway, thank God. He was not happy.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Farting @ the library.

From Miss L. in Canada:

Back in my library school days I did a 2 week work placement in an elementary school library. During a storytime with the kindergarteners one afternoon, a boy in the middle of the group let an adult-male sized fart rip. There was a moment of dead silence, then the boy next to him stuck out his arm and pointed in his face and exclaimed, "Say excuse me!!!!" The culprit turned bright red and bowed his head in shame. I nearly died trying not to laugh. That was the best moment of the entire work placement.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Science vs. religion @ the library.

From Maria who works in an Aquaculture Library:

One day we had a local scientist come in and demand our copy of the Koran (Quran). Which, obviously, we had no copy of as we are a strictly acquaculture/fisheries/ocean focused library. My coworker and I spent a good 10 minutes explaining to him that we are a science-based library with no religious materials. He then asked if we had a copy of the Bible, and if we did have a copy of the Bible, why didn't we have a copy of the Koran? (He jumped to conclusions on this one.) I then explained that we didn't hold a copy of the Bible either. He then told us that we should get one.

And that was the end of the Koran emergency - he really needed a copy of it for up in his office I guess.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Doctors @ the library.

Story #1:
This weekend a would-be doctor came in with a ripped, crumpled piece of a Tim Horton's sandwich wrapper with a bunch of chicken scratch written all over it - it was apparently citation information for a study guide that he needed ASAP for an exam. Looks like he'll do well in the field, because I can never read my prescriptions from doctors. Messy handwriting: check.

Story #2:
Medical intern calls from airplane. Asks us to look through all of the books he dropped off the day before for a prescription he left inside one of them. Didn't know what the book was called. Can't remember what the prescription was for. Or who it was for. All he could remember was that he had slightly damaged the book before dropping it in the returns bin.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

I am not a lawyer.

After regaling me with tales of his fight against the government over the value of his house, and how this somehow put him in the hospital, I get one of the infamous questions:

Patron: Do you think I should sue them?
Me: ...I can't give you that kind of advice.


Friday, January 20, 2012

My coworkers are awesome.

Last weekend we had a patron come in wanting to check out a very expensive medical textbook. Coworker #1 looked up his account and found that his account had expired and he had two unreturned items from almost a year ago (one of them was another copy of the very same expensive textbook). She then explained to him that due to the status of his account, he could not check out the book (this was a reserve item kept behind our circulation desk). He then proceeded to reach over the counter (one of my biggest pet peeves) and grab the book anyways! Saying "oh, I'm just going to look at it anyways" and backing away all while #1 is explaining that he needs to clear up the issues with his account before he can use reserve materials.

Shortly after this, Coworker #2 came back from lunch and found out what the situation was. Keep in mind this girl is tiny - maybe 5 feet tall - always very fashionable, and wearing a classic pair of kitten heels, and she wasn't having any of it! She walked up to the patron sitting at the computer and said "sir, I'm going to have to take that book back from you" and explained once again that due to the status of his account he was not able to take the book from the reserves section. He acted innocent and gave the book back. After getting back to the desk, she realized that he hadn't complained because he was still using the CD-ROM from the book! So she marched back over to him and took the CD-ROM back too.

All of the sudden he was thanking them and being polite, meanwhile when it had been just one girl earlier in the day, he was incredibly rude and pushy. Funny how that works.

Don't mess with the little people!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Christmas holidays @ an academic library.

Services the library does not provide (no matter how many times you try to rephrase the question):

- Logging in to your son's account (over the phone no less) to see what he owes the university money for. If it's that important, tell him to get his butt out of bed and come down to the library where he can use one of our computers to login himself.
- Write up tax receipts for donations to the university.
- Allow you to come behind the desk and use OUR circulation terminal to browse the internet because the internet on our public terminals is temporarily down.
- Look up eBay auctions for you over the phone so that you can "save a trip".
- Stay open past our regular hours so that you can stare at us like a creep while you "wait for your friend".
- And no, we don't have a special storage locker in the library for you to store your books in every day.

Anyone else have some fun Christmas stories to share?

Sunday, January 8, 2012