From Heidi in Australia, who can't get away from the crazies no matter which branch she's at!:
Several years ago I’d been working in a small, one person branch library but did a six month stint acting in a higher position at one of our main library branches. I’d not been long back at my little branch when a patron broke in to the branch, leaving a copy of a book I’d recommended to him in tiny little shreds and the door wide open.
Badly frightened, I was moved back to the main branch for a few weeks while the dust settled.
A regular there quizzed me on why I was back. I told him I’d had some trouble with a patron at my own branch. When he’d established that the patron was the trouble-maker, not me, he told me he could “take him out for you, mate.” “It’s OK,” I told him, “xxx (Library Manager)’s got it all under control.” “No really, mate,” he replied, “I’m FBI and CIA approved. I can take him out for you.”
More urgent demurring from me . . . my manager has it under control . . .